


Best Parts Left Unsaid

by LokiNeedsHugs1031



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Archangel Michael is a dick, Castiel Loves Dean Winchester, Castiel in the Men of Letters Bunker (Supernatural), Castiel is a Sweetheart, Castiel is a Winchester (Supernatural), Comfort Sex, Comforting Castiel (Supernatural), Crying, Crying Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester Loves Castiel, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s14e09 The Spear, Episode: s14e10 Nihilism, Fix-It, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Fluffy Ending, Hurt, Hurt Dean Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Men Crying, Mild Hurt/Comfort, POV Dean Winchester, Post-Episode: s14e09 The Spear, Protective Castiel, Romantic Fluff, Season/Series 14 Spoilers, Supernatural writers you assholes, we do all the work
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-27
Updated: 2019-01-27
Packaged: 2019-10-17 13:29:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17561306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LokiNeedsHugs1031/pseuds/LokiNeedsHugs1031
Summary: Dean deals with locking Michael away in his mind, and Sam and Cas didn't see everything that was Dean's 'perfect world'. Or at least he thinks Cas didn't. Cas, not Billie, follows Dean to his room.





	Best Parts Left Unsaid

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys. So I haven't written Destiel since I think before the mid-season finale. So here is some angsty fluff. So two things: Let's pretend Cas didn't make that deal and Dean had a lot more going on in the 'perfect world' than just a bar. Cause come on, us Fanfic writers aren't fools, there were some subtle not so subtle things in there that were a little too Destiely for me. Anyhoo, here's my take on how I wanted the episode to end. oh, P.S Billie didn't show up yet in my version, angst averted!!! Enjoy!

            It was like a maddening buzz. Too quiet and too loud all at once.

            “It’s just you, it’s only you, not him. You’ve got this on lock down.” Dean breathed in and out, deep breath in, hard push of air out. “He’s not…”

            And then the screaming knocked him clear out of any ‘cleansing’ breath he might have been able to muster up at the moment. He would say that it sounded exactly like himself, the screaming had to be the same tenor, same tone, but somehow it sounded more animalistic. Foreign in a way that didn’t even remotely mimic something human.

            He bit down on his lip. Hard. He dug his fingernails into the palms of both hands, pain, his pain, not Michael’s. It should have been grounding, it should have been able to convince him that this was real. He wasn’t in some infinite loop of his mind. Cas and Sam had assured him that this was real.

            Michael had been smart about it, as they had explained, locking him away in pain would have made him fight harder. Giving him everything he wanted seemed to be the most feasible plan. The one thing Michael had left out of ‘everything he could have ever wanted’ was Cas. Or at least once he stepped out of the dreaming loop he’d thought so, but then he remembered. Sure, Cas and Sam had been out on a ‘hunt’ but Cas wasn’t just Cas, best friend Cas, bro Cas, whatever his hyper masculine brain cooked up when he was in the actual real world. As he slowly came to realize it was all a dream world he noticed the ring on his left finger. And then he remembered more.

            He didn’t get the chance in the world his mind created to greet who he’d thought was his husband, so the idea of Cas ever being a ‘burden’ was so laughable Dean hardly even defended it cause surely Cas knew better.

            He felt sick for a moment, his fists tightening once more, what a perfect world that had been. Owning a bar, Sam alive, and he and Cas married for Godsakes. He whole heartedly believed if Cas and Sam hadn’t arrived so harried Dean wouldn’t have thought twice to round the bar and lock lips with the angel. Kissing him stupid in front of his brother just to make him squirm and tell his angel how much he’d missed him.

            But he hadn’t, and perhaps that’s what helped wake Dean up. Cause there was no way in true reality that Cas would ever want him in such a way. Especially given the last year, so much had happened, and hell, maybe Cas did have feelings but they sure as fuck didn’t have a chance to sit down and have it out. And then Dean said yes to Michael. Another conversation that Dean never got to fully divulge, that he knew if he hadn’t said yes that day he’d lose his entire family. Lose his chance with the angel, but here he was, yet again, on the tipping off point of falling apart and still too terrified to put it all out there. The mount of excuses there for the taking.

            The pounding in his mind returned full force and he almost fell forward, beads of sweat broke out across his forehead. The shouting rose to a roar and he fought it down, “Just you, just you, it’s just me…me!” before he had control over the action he was putting his fist through the mirror.

            “Dean!” Cas’ voice arrived, tearing through the now dull roar being muffled behind the door in his mind, “Dean, I was knocking but you wouldn’t answer…Jesus, your hand…”

            Cas moved forward and just as carefully as he always was when handling Dean, he cradled his hand with a soft touch as it leaked blood all over the floor, eventually dripping down his arm into the crook of his long-sleeved shirt, “I-I’m sorry…I-I couldn’t…so loud..”

            “Dean, look at me,” Cas ordered gently, a towel that had undoubtably been laid across the now blood-spattered sink was wrapped around his knuckles, “Please, look at me. I’m right here, you’re safe.”

            At first Dean resisted, his eyes were aching so fiercely and he refused to admit that it was from fighting tears. If he let loose now he wasn’t sure if it were possible he could even stop, but when he did lock eyes with the angel the sob bubbled up like vomit, so much so he lurched slightly forward. Those blue eyes were a weakness, drenched in a kind of admiration and care that was saved only for him. Cas had yet to let go of his hand, and only then did he acknowledge the soft sweeping back and forth of a rough thumb just above the knob of his wrist.

            “I’m so sorry,” Cas murmured, “About all of this…you’ve been so strong, you don’t deserve this.”

            “Said yes to the bastard,” he gulped and shrugged his shoulders that sang with ache, “Isn’t that part of the package? He is a smart son of a bitch. I coulda stayed in that place and never been the wiser…don’t know how it stayed put together for as long as it did, cause I sure as shit don’t deserve it. None of it, you didn’t even get to the most ridiculous part.” Tears were running down his face and he had to say, at this point, he couldn’t care less than he did now. In all honesty, what else did he have to lose? Sanity? That hadn’t been a truly real thing in so long, so what did it matter now>

            “How do you mean?” Cas began, his tone always comforting and Dean never said it out loud whenever he’d offered Dean comfort. Even when things were at their worst, Cas’ nonchalant way of talking things out made it seem less daunting. Cas had already healed his hand but was still holding it gingerly between both of his own, he’d turned it over and that sweeping thumb was no tracing the life lines of his palm.

            Dean shook his head, finally turning his eyes away as his crying was still kept under control, “Everything is so messed up in here,” he used his free hand to swirl around his head, “He really did go for the big guns I’ll tell ya that much.”

            “We’re you married in this world he created?” Cas asked, again, in that no-nonsense way, usually it made Dean laugh, this time it only made his control slip further away, “I noticed the ring. I know it wasn’t Pam, she doesn’t seem like the settling down type. Even when she was alive so I gather that was not the person. Was it Lisa? I know we walked in at particularly mundane part of your loop but…you seemed…happy…”

            “You really are an idiot, you know that?” Dean tried to laugh but it only came out as another buried cry, “Or I am, I haven’t figured it out yet. Maybe both, fuck…”

            Cas’ brow furrowed in that, dare he say, adorable way that made Cas, well, _Cas_ , “I don’t follow.”

            “Of course you don’t. Jury’s out, I’m the idiot,” Dean inhaled roughly, nope, not even that was keeping the tears at bay. He made a move to lurch up from the bed, but before he could do such a thing he found his face cradled in both of Cas’ hands, which were surprisingly soft and warm. And grounding. More grounding than the fist through the mirror had been, that was for sure.

            “You never cry, Dean Winchester, not unless it’s for a good reason. A very good reason.” Cas snapped, but somehow it was still gentle as he swiped both thumbs beneath Dean’s leaking eyes.

            Once more Dean tried to breathe, that action he was beginning to forget how to do the longer this conversation went on. It was on some buried instinct that he put both of his own hands over Cas’ as if to keep Cas from running. Surely, he’d go running, who would ever want a cluster fuckup like himself? Stuffed full with a raging archangel to boot.

            He expected an uncomfortable pat on the back, or shoulder, even a ‘we can talk about this tomorrow’ remark, but no, he was shocked to suddenly have Cas in his space. He’d moved close enough, still cradling his face and those rough lips were pressed to his forehead. It was perhaps the most tender gesture he’d ever received from another person. It was even more important that it was his angel. Dean swallowed down another sob, it was climbing up his throat and it ached in ways he couldn’t describe, like a ten year long bruise brimming on the surface of his flesh.

            Cas moved from his forehead, kissing one cheek, lingering, the other, before settling tentatively on his lips. Dean couldn’t recall a gentler kiss, never pushing, demanding, more of a promise than anything.

            And that did it. He lost it. Oh, it was embarrassing, blubbering into such a perfect kiss.     Their first kiss.

            Christ.

            Cas took it all with stride, never even flinching. He didn’t say a word about it, merely gathered Dean into his arms, those same kisses being now pressed to the back of his neck as Dean buried his face in Cas’ offered shoulder. At least there the intense cries that threatened to pull him over the edge of insanity would be muffled. At least he had that.

            Cas whispered calming, sweet words of “I’m here, you’re alright, I have you, I’ll always have you.”

            More importantly than anything, he simply let Dean have his moment of purging.

            He clung shamelessly to Cas’ trench before Cas was urging him to wrap his arms around him instead. He slipped his arms inside of Cas’ coat and suit jacket, hell, he’d go under the shirt if he could. This position was even better, chest to chest and he wasn’t even aware until now that Cas had somehow tugged him further up onto the bed where before he’d nearly slid off the edge.

            He felt rung out, inside and out, empty and full all in the same breath. How could you feel content and terrified at the same time?

            “He had you locked away for three days,” Cas finally spoke when Dean felt his eyes drooping, too afraid to open them at this point, “You’re exhausted.”

            “Huh?” Dean asked, his chest was aching, no, scratch that, he ached all over and his head was fuzzy.

            “Angels don’t sleep, remember?” Cas chided, his long fingers were buried in the messy strands of Dean’s hair. It was very messy in fact, as soon as he came back to himself he had ruffled it up almost in a frenzy. That prominent cut part in his hair seemed like some kind of tattoo, some sick signature Michael enjoyed, that and the clothes. Those awful clothes. He’d excused himself to his room shortly after securing Michael away, changed his clothes, thrown up three days’ worth of non-existent food, and then washed his hair in the sink. Even the shower seemed too closed in, he’d stepped in just to turn the water on and nearly hyperventilated, backed out as fast as he could.

            “Breathe Dean, breathe,” the rumbling of Cas’ chest to his ear brought him into the present. They were now both lying against the headboard of the bed, Dean protectively gathered against Cas’ chest as it vibrated with nonsensical words of comfort.

            “Sorry,” he shuddered, closing his eyes and trying his damndest to calm down.

            “Nothing to apologize for,” Cas assured, the combing of his hair continued without skipping a beat.

            “I-I mean about all this, you don’t have to do this just for my benefit…” he said above a whisper, and then he was clutching again, fuck, he’d fuck this up, he knew he’d fuck this up!

            “Oh, Dean,” Cas murmured, and he sounded just as tired, but the gentle touches never ceased, those finger tips gliding through his hair and over the curvature of his ear, and if anything the arms around him were a little more firm, more insistent. “I’ve wanted this for longer than I can properly put into words. When we arrived in your mind I was quite positive of what I was seeing. When we returned, well…I believe I was giving you an out if you preferred to lie on the matter of a wedding ring in your fantasy. We do share a bond for a reason, even in your delusion I had a feeling it was what you felt you could not have here. Am I wrong?”

            Dean swallowed roughly and then dared to move his head, just in the slightest, his eyes were still cast down as he balanced his chin on the slow rise of Cas’ chest, “You picked up on that?”

            Cas gave a small, but tired smile, a smile that had become more frequent over the last few months. Albeit exhausted Dean was grateful for it and would do anything and everything to see him smile more often. Less tired of course would be better. He reached up and gripped Cas by the chin, grazing a thumb over his lower lip. Cas froze, if only slightly, but made an addictive humming noise when Dean moved up just far enough to capture his lips.

            To say Cas melted into that second kiss was an understatement, and if only for a moment everything around them felt lighter. He broke the kiss, feeling more breathless than he had before, but satisfied. He left a trail of lazy kisses from his lips to the hollow of his throat before collapsing against between the crook of the angel’s shoulder and neck again.

            Cas relaxed against the bed, all the tension from before a memory. Dean almost forgot about the broken mirror, the voice in his head quieted. The only thing buzzing in his mind was the hum of the bunker, the heavy thrum of Cas’ heart, and Cas’ touch, fingers gliding through his hair again. Cas kissed his forehead, firmly in that same ‘I’m here’ way from earlier.

            “S’quiet right now,” Dean gave a weak hiccup, spent cries still making themselves known. It had been a long time since he’d let himself feel like this, putting it all out there and not giving a damn how messy it was.

            “Good,” Cas whispered, his lips brushing through his mussed hair, “We can speak more of this in the morning. I’ll help you in anyway I can…I know how…confining the after effects of possession can be.”

            Dean scoffed, just on the cusp of a weak cry, “I know, God sweetheart I know you do.”

            “The more you rest, the more you sleep, the stronger you’ll be in the long run.” The way Cas said it, it sounded like a promise, more like a vow.

            “Yeah,” he trembled and attempted to swallow a gulp, but it escaped anyway, “But…closing my eyes…this could all be another trick.” That fear from earlier began to creep up along his flesh like unwanted goosebumps.

            “I am well aware of that fear too,” Cas ran his fingers down Dean’s arm, all the way to his fingertips, looped their fingers together, kissing Dean’s knuckles before he gathered them both to settle onto his chest, “But this is real. I am real. We are real.”

            Dean let the words soak into his worry wrought mind, sleep was taking fast hold that was for sure. He could only nod, his voice felt as equally spent as the rest of him, he gripped Cas’ hand tightly and took a breath, “Yeah,” he closed his eyes, snuggling closer, pulling their joined hands close to his lips. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

            And for now that was enough.

**Author's Note:**

> See everything is peachy keen ;) Hope ya'll enjoy leave this thirsty writer some thoughts!


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